Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Drawing Inspiration

I'm having a problem judging my opinion of this photo, or any of the photos from this set with Sarah. I drew inspiration from a prominent relationship in my life and used James as my trigger release. Maybe because of how preconceived the concept was, I am unable to distance myself enough to make better sense of it.

None the less, Sarah is one of the most beautiful people I know, and am elated to label her in the small category of "friend". It's impossible to take a bad portrait of her.

While editing this photo (and organizing the mess of photos scattered about on my desktop or in wrong folders) I've been watching V for Vendetta, which is possibly my favorite movie. It's definitely the movie I've watched the most, and it never fails to make me cry. I sure love Natalie Portman, she's brilliant. And I'm pretty sure that I don't have to go into detail about why I love this movie so much, but let it suffice to say that when I saw it in theaters, I was ready to blow shit up.

So besides the future and our civilization slowly approaching the need for revolutionary leaders, I'm doing my part by improving my journalistic photography goal, one "hot naked chick" after another. Which is what I told the video camera and the girl behind it who interviewed a few students, asking them what they wanted to do after MVCC. Take pictures of hot naked chicks. This was either right before or right after I pulled my pants half down like I do for my pool enemies. I was this close to flashing the camera, too (as she was shooting shoulders up..) but my professor was there and though I Don't Give A Fuck, I kinda do and pussed out.

But I did scan a bunch and transfered files and do all that mumbo jumbo that I needed to do. I should be editing but I don't care to look at me and Sarah at the moment, and feel like doing another Rollei square, but of Jessalyn on James' roof, but I don't have them on my computer yet. I also have point-and-shoot drunk photos of this girl Michele and I in some bathroom where we did normal drunk-girls-with-camera things like take our shirts off and grope each other, etc. Pretty stoked about those.

Today I feel like I have a lot to write, earlier I was writing some stupid poem in my head that built all day but I should have tried to write it earlier because now it makes no sence to me seeing that it's four in the morning and I'm sober and emotionally rebelent and chaotic with the list of things I need to do and so quiet and singular and... what's the word I'm looking for? Cut-off. Exiled. Something. Contained. Focused. It's okay, but it's a little sad. But not actually sad, maybe more stoic. Do you know what I mean?

It's strange that I've lived in the same place for three and a half years, yet I find myself with no friends. No one calls me, no one asks to see photos or hold a real conversation. Even when I'm around people I like or people I hope to be closer to or who I actually consider friends, I feel this guarded holding back.


cafe selavy said...

For what its worth, I like this photograph. I'm not sure what it says, but it shows a lot of vulnerability and uncertainty. Maybe that doesn't sound right, but it is a hard thing to capture.

Mockingbird Girl said...

Sarah is beautiful...but for what its worth, so are you. And I think you have an amazing chameleon-like quality in photos that is mesmerizing.