Thursday, October 4, 2012

Sea Hair

directed by me, shot by Ed Ross

I brought the Pacific back east in my hair, the salt and sand still clinging to me. I've resisted taking a shower, the ocean is with me.

Ahhh, there's some sort of poetry in there somewhere, in my head, in the sea. I am a creature, a sea creature and a horse whisperer. It is love, love that they respond to. That and confidence. God, the feeling of triumph I still feel over not falling off of that horse. Naked, bareback, no reigns. He tested me and I passed with flying colors. Fistfulls of mane. Wild. Shaking with excitement and fear, I passed.

And I swam in the ocean. I slept under the redwoods in my hammock. I rode (and crashed) a mini dirtbike. I acted in a short film. I saw spirits. I photographed my best friend, making amazing polaroids for my show, which are nude and I'm not allowed to put nude images in said show, but I will find a way to make them let me.

"you're already a butterfly," she said to me with a small pained smile, "I'm still in my cocoon, trying to scratch my way out."

Maybe she's right. Maybe I've finally found myself. I feel full and beautiful and excited. I feel this love in my heart and I want to share it.

I instantly choke myself up, feeling these feelings. I'm such a baby.

Tears, tears are like ocean water. What an amazing thing. I can taste it, in my dirty hair.

I found crab shells on the beach. I saw this dark sand.

"Why is the sand sparkly?" I asked

"It's oil," She said.

Her red hair and pale skin feels foreign to my eyes. I am tan and I feel wild. Wild in a good way. Freedom is a state of being, I realize. Freedom is in your mind. I am more free than ever. Fly with me.

Fly with me...