Tuesday, July 28, 2009


So I've been sitting here smoking cigarettes and sipping on the same Stella for about two hours while catching up on my internet life and wondering why the fuck I'm still awake after busting my ass moving... when I decide to click the link on Sanders' Model Mayhem page to the url where you can buy his newly published book.

In the email he sent me he says "it's not cheep", so I'm driven to wonder how much it is... Well, I was expecting $100+ but it's *only* $70 and I'm sofuckingready to drop it as soon as I have it because it is, well, astounding. Every single picture does exactly what the title says it does: tell a whole sort of story in the simplest ways... naked. Each photo is a beautiful capture of pure personality. I was forced to look through page after page, from beginning to end, to see what was next, to see what Sanders got out of all these girls.

Insanity, I tell you!

How does one person shoot so many people and get them so in their own skin over and over??

It's terribly inspiring and I fucking need it.

Double Exposures: Essays in Portriature by Sanders McNew

And I'm absolutely terrified that I don't belong in this collection, yet there I am. The above photo you can find littering one of the pages of this killer book.



As of tomorrow I am sorrrtaaa kindaaaa homeless.
I mean, I always have my grandmother's and that IS where I hauled all my shit today.
Three car loads and a cargo van full.
Mostly all by myself.
And while this partly extremely frustrating.. It's also very empowering.
I packed, carried, lifted, struggled, sweat (a LOT)
Over and over and over and over
up stairs and down stairs and up and down and up and down..
I had help with the dressers and desk.
And by the end of it, I am exhausted.
And free.
I am fucking free.
Free free free FUCKING FREE!!

I have no home, no money, my car is falling apart, my computer is not far behind, my baby kitty Pan disappeared ( ;( ), I chopped my hair, I got rid of half my shit(uhm, again..), I have no reliable friends, zero love interest, no sex drive, no plan, no fucking obligation or expectation!

So fuck you, too!

And I love you. :)

(but not you... and sorta you... definitely not you... maybe you... but you, you, you and you? yes.)



Friday, July 10, 2009

Random Facts 1-5

1. I believe in love at first sight, yet I'm jaded as fuck
2. I shower with the lights off
3. I have a traveling bug that is insatiable
4. I drive without music all the time, and I think my lack of music is what makes me more fucked up and sad
5. I make great breakfasts, which is my favorite meal of the day

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Sand Filled Wings

"Ask and you shall receive."

Well, I've been doing a lot of asking for strength and help. To better myself, to put myself on the right track, to know the way, to find happiness.

Or at least peace of mind.

I have the ever present ticking itch to travel, to move, to run away, to find what I'm looking for (whatever that might be). Purpose, I want purpose. Life is too short to be sitting around on my hands waiting for something to happen. There has to be a reason I was born with this traveling bug, a reason why I love taking pictures and I love beauty, new places, interesting and fucked up people and environments.

Please, life, give me purpose...
Don't let me stay useless, dead, and half buried by my surroundings.

Step one: Drink less, save more.