Monday, November 30, 2009

Freedom of Thought, Freedom of Expression

I've been giving my blog a lot of thought. Well, actually, I always give my blog a lot of thought. Today I realized I've maintained an online journal for eight years. Eight years. Long time, I think. And I look back to my first posts on my first journal and it's terribly embarrassing. In fact, I've been working on copying those entries into appleworks and DELETING THEM FOREVER. But, really, I'm not so embarrassed about my 16 year old self. The girl who ached over her lonely heart, who jumped to conclusions, who sought out curious information on occult topics, who said stupid immature things constantly. Just a couple of friends, totally naive. Not much has changed except the naive part.

But it's served it's purpose. I can go back to journals from when I was eight years old and find out what I was interested in. Back then I spelled terribly and wrote simple sentences like, "to day wus melody and me berthday. we ternd 9."

Again. Not much has changed. ;)

But I also recognize my desire to tell more of a story, rather than just purely expose my general feelings on life. But I fear judgments from those I care about. Perhaps someone gets their feelings hurt. Perhaps someone wont realize that there are multiple sides to a story, even your own.

I tend to look at a situation from multiple angles. A simple one being that of a love-hate relationship. You love someone for this reason, hate them for that reason. But can you really love and hate someone at the same time? I don't think so, but it is a way to express yourself. So, it's easy to say you can tell the story from the love side or the hate side, and yet neither would be completely true without the other.

Hence, I suppose, memoirs are based on truth.

Here on out I plan on sharing stories. They will be based on truth, shaped around my feelings- which often change reality. Names will be replaced. So don't believe anything you read here. Things change, people change, feelings change. I may drive you away or drive you toward. Here goes...


Charlotte said...

for the record, i believe that you can love and hate someone at the same time. i loved you because we had a friendship where words were not needed. we understood each other's body language and facial expressions and that was enough to "get" each other. and here we are. not even friends. more enemies.

it's funny that you write this post because i was looking at old livejournal posts of MINE today and saw pictures of Cassie's house when i lived there....and thought of what a good friendship i had.

i almost miss those days...

ryan manning said...

looking forward to this

Varvara said...

I'm with Ryan :)