Wednesday, July 27, 2011

rambling ranting ignore this entry


I knew there was something else in my car that I didn't want to be losing... my super awesome biker boots. Ugh, they were one of the most expensive things I owned and I wore them every day- How it's taken me a week to realize that I didn't have them is beyond me- I guess maybe cause it's so hot out? All of my jewelry was in there, too. ALL OF IT. I loved my collection... Oh and all my clothes... I mean sure sure, I have some more at home, but some of my favorite things were lost, and I am left here in Brooklyn with no fuckin clothes. I literally have a pair of shorts, a couple shirts and two dresses. But I'm used to having a shit load of clothes to choose from! Meh. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I had money to buy some new things, but I don't. Yet.

I'm looking at all of this as a new start, cause what else is it? I literally have next to nothing and I am just so so so grateful to the powers that be that I have my main cameras, my laptop, portfolio and wallet. It sucks I lost my car and everything else in it, there was so much in there that I really loved, but the cameras mean more, and the portfolios of images I've spent hours to print...

And I'm really going to miss my school and everything but the prospect of moving down here to Brooklyn is really amazing. I've just got to take care of some things and make money and pay my retardedly high phone bill somehow and find an apartment and and and... it's all very very overwellming but I don't care, I want it, I want NYC... Everything I want is here, everything. Most of my friends are here, money is here, photography is here, it's all here and I love NY so much it hurts...

I was talking to this painter, Dave, the other night, and I was going on and on about all of these things, telling him about how since I can remember I've dreamed of traveling and growing up specificly of NYC. Living in the same state as such an intense city, so close yet so far away... Anyone with talent and ambition moves to the city! It's obvious. And so I chose not to do it, for one reason or excuse or another, even though I've been dreaming of it for most of my life. Dave says, "people all over the world dream of moving to NYC. There is nothing like it."

When I think of these things, when I think of the mathmatical equation to lead up to me living my own life in NYC I just get so excited....

A hard route I always seem to take - but living off of dreams and love of life is the sort of freedom most people never taste.

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