Friday, March 26, 2010


I'm in Atlanta and have been sleeping all day. Last night, I woke myself up coughing my head off and couldn't stop. I was so embarrassed to wake my host up that I initially declined the offer for cough-drops, taking a good size swig of nyquil and willing the coughing to stop. I could feel the sick-girl pathetics wanting to come out, the desire to be held and have my head stroked.. but alas, there are no lovers anywhere near and there wont be for god knows how long. Or mothers. Lovers or mothers. None the less, after holding back more coughs I decided those hall's drops sounded like a great idea, and fell asleep after just one. Thanks, J.

Right now, I'm just enjoying hiding out at someone's house and napping and being lazy. He gave me a key so I could come and go as I like, but I've just stayed right here on this couch, reading, writing and napping. And plotting my next moves. Unfortunately, I don't have many shoots here in Atlanta, but at the same time, I don't really mind. I don't mind not shooting massively, just as long as I have enough to keep me going. I've been meeting great people and getting into some sort of rhythm. Making friends and I believe the second loop around will be better than the first. Maybe that's the point of this trip- just finding myself and doing what I need to do to settle into my own skin. Which is working out fabulously, by the way.

I find it interesting, how the rumors fly about. About me, about other people. But I don't blame anyone, and think us girls, we should stick together. I don't hate anyone, I actually adore most everyone I know and know of and have a lot of love, I swear. I hate when bitches hate eachother, and I've always been of the mind set to be friends with everyone. Maybe because I wasn't treated very well through school.

It's interesting how we all want to go back and say this and that about our upbringing. I moved around a lot, and have never lived in one spot longer than five years, and average out on three or four years. I've moved, God, half a dozen times in the last two years, maybe more. Every time with the intention of downsizing to prepare myself for what I'm doing right now. I love it. That I'm actually doing it. And my life is so much better. So far. Knock on wood.

The above photo is taken from the airplane flying from Raleigh to Orlando. I love flying. My grandfather has a small Cessna from the 70's and I've been flying since I was two, and never get sick of looking out the window. The clouds are beautiful, the world is beautiful, and I think you really see it when you're up in the air. I get all excited, but this time I have no one to share it with.

I miss my sister. She's in Hong Kong now, so I can't call her anymore, and it's killing me already.

Upon boarding the plane (I've only flown commercially VERY few times, like twice.) I asked this girl if I could sit next to her, next to the window, and she smiled and said yes. She was pretty and reminded me somewhat of Rachael but sure as shit, she wasn't anything like Rachael, she was a fucking cunt. I didn't realize until I saw she had an iphone and I asked her if she had a charger, she said yes and I was like "Oh! Can I borrow it!?" and looked around quick for outlets, and saw there were none, "oh, no outlets."

Her mother curls her lip at me, "There are not outlets on planes," and they both look at me like I just puked on her daughters wedding dress.

"Oh. Well. There are on trains.." and later I felt like rambling off to the mouth, and wish I had, saying, well on Grandpa's plane there were cigarette lighters and if a small plane like that could have four of those, don't you think a huge boeing 787 has fuckin outlets somewhere on it?!? Maybe it was excessive for me to think it probable, but give it time, I bet there will be.

I spent the rest of the ride looking out the window and dreaming about what I will do with my life and what this stupid brat wont be doing, which is having my fun life. Her mother talks to her about a boy she met who has a girlfriend and they're sitting there chatting like they're friends and I end up feeling bad for both of them and their small brains.

Anyway, I'm rambling because I got my feeling hurt.

My point is, is that I'm the girl gawking out the window of airplanes. I also feel pretty cool that I sorta know what goes into landing a plane, and kick myself everytime I don't do things like ask to take a picture of the pilot in the cockpit.

cockpit. hah.


alyssa jamison said...

oh i adore you. that picture is now my background. tiled to infinity.

Hunker Down said...

You can talk to your sister. Get Skype and chat with her face to face. Your morninngs are her evenings and vice-versa. Easy. Do it.

efregergte said...

would you shut the fuck up already? you artsy fuckin' dweebs are annoying beyond belief. i tried to read one of your posts but really couldn't manage to make it through more than a couple paragraphs. then i checked the next entry and a few after that... same shit. gee, let's see how intriguing and intellectual i can possibly sound by using big words and finding alternate ways of saying things that could be said in about a quarter of the useless drivel that you spew all over this fucking page. you write like you're so divine and aware of yourself and life in general. you don't know shit. let that penetrate your skull and sink deep into your turtle brain. you're really not that cool, bud. you're a fucking child who's just as clueless as the next. i felt the need to rip you a few new assholes because i've seen many people like you, and you all think you're such individuals. well, you're not. you probably idolize people like marilyn monroe and kate moss even though one was a filthy, drug addicted slut who got fucked by half of hollywood, and the other a delusional cunt into blood play and self mutilation, also a drug abusing pig. you do things in an unconventional way because it's so much cooler to be "different". you love anything "retro". you smoke cigarettes because it's so damn fashionable looking, not because you're addicted. you take nude photos with your hair a wreck and render them black and white. you're attracted to guys with a long hair and a 5 o'clock shadow. you wanna blow johnny dep. i could go on and on. there's a million of you so called "individuals" out there. can't you just act fucking normal? FUCK. would it kill you to not try and be so different? true individuality comes from one living as their true self, not being abstract just for the sake of it. for you, achieving singularity is a goal, not a natural state of being, thus making you a phony, over analytical bitch. i'll say it again, you're NOT that fucking cool. get over yourself. keep your judgments to yourself. maybe one day when you're a little more self-aware, a little more conscious, you'll understand exactly what i'm saying. until then, keep taking artsy photos with half of your face in the picture. man, so cool. so original. fuck off. go join hollywood with the rest of the brainless cretins.

with that said, nice tits.

A.R.T. aka Autumn Rain said...

some planes have outlets. Fuck them. Some peoples children!

I always stare out the window on the plane. I am that guy. Live how you want to live.

Bernardo said...

Came across your blog after seeing a pic of you in deviantart.

This post was pretty hilarious.

Will check this "sample" again.

Jonathan Diederichs said...

I'm so glad you have a blog :D i've seen you on dA and you seem really rocking do as you want person!