Change and more Change

The past reminds me of a taste or smell, always different, always the same. A photo or a place or person may trigger it. A sense of familiarity that has come and gone. Familiar in the sense that it was familiar, and that something else is familiar now. Smell or taste in a way that is almost there but not quite.

It's hard to grasp, sometimes, how different my life changes so often. A month ago I was happy in the arms of a man who loved me. Eight months ago I was terribly miserably alone and depressed. I was in school, I was in a shitty apartment, I had a strange relationship with a man, I was ostracized from my family, I had many friends, a summer of sunshine and wine and whiskey.

People come and go, things change so much.

I must move out of Utica. I must. I feel stifled here. Stuck. Uncreative.