But, Still

So last week I went out to Columbus to shoot with Chip.. we'd been planning it for a while, and I decided to convince Melody to come visit me, since Columbus is more than half way to where she's staying with our grandparents in Michigan. I've missed her and we're finally able to reconnect after a long time of being in different universes. Ends up, Chip shot both of us, which was fan-fucking-tastic, and I'm elated at all of the images. Two days of driving around, shooting, laughing. We had a great time, and even our "behind the scenes" photos are great. I really love this one, it makes me feel happy and free and girly. Chip kept saying, "higher! Again!" and I was reminded of Avedon. Chip challenged me the first time we shot, and continued to do so, which is so much fun. I love working with photographers who I adore and who push me to do my best, and to work to get where they want me to be.

Once again, all outfits provided by miss Holly Ross, of Thriftwares.com. As usual.

Next is shooting with Frank Petronio tomorrow, which I'm also excited about. He's a little drama queen but that's part of the fun. I'm stoked to see his new camera, too.

After that, down to NYC for a couple of days, FINALLY! Working with yet another photographer who I really respect, though I only work with that type, anyway. Holly's putting together fucking fabulous outfits and I am really really excited about them. One includes a sequence bra top that I had to beg her to get, and damn, sure am happy she did.

Furs are also on the list, and I plan on wearing one (a different one every week, as Holly sells them, most likely) all winter long, and am totally prepared to catch a tun of flack for it. To me, furs are meant to be worn. I mean, sure it's a little fucked up to be wearing a bunch of little cute bunnies, minks, foxes, or beavers, but I don't care... they're so fucking... luxurious! I feel like a fucking rock star, yo.

Besides all that, I'm regretfully putting down my cameras after I shoot the rest of my 120 film. Sadly, the Rolleiflex that I've been borrowing from a very generous photographer, has been recalled by said owner. I almost cried when I read the email, but I could feel it approaching, I've known it was getting to that time. I mean, I've had it for a long time. But I will cherish it while I have it!

That film is the last film I have. I can't afford more, and I can't afford to get the rolls I have shot developed. So I am forced to not shoot. Instead I will start scanning old stuff that I haven't scanned, and working on trying to fanangle my way into making cd's (like I keep saying..).

I want to backpack Europe with Melody so I plan on working my ass off through the winter. Which is good, it'll keep me from being all winter depressed, which happens every year. I'm putting off finding said other jobs so that I can do things like run around naked for Chip and go play dress-up with Frank and be fabulous in NYC. Stupid, irresponsible, but fucking fun.

But through all the ups and downs and trials and tribulations and heart aches and frustrations... I still love being me. I love modeling and I love taking pictures. Somehow, modeling always makes me feel better, more alive and part of something. Being able to take a piece of my personality, a feeling or mood, and be able to have that directed by a photographer into a photo that'll say something, connects somehow, makes me feel... appreciated, exposed, liked, curious, active... useful. And I learn so much every time.

Another by Chip.