I am the Same

Brooke, May 2011, Annapolis

I don't know how this happens, but I've not only maintained the number of followers I have on this blog, but I've gained a few as well. How does that work? I haven't barely updated in so long... Maybe this blog is as interesting as I'd like to think it can be, or maybe my ex who tells me over and over how good it is, isn't the only one who thinks so.

So... Why don't I update very much? Mostly because I know there are at least 58 people reading my blog, which while it's nothing compaired to how many people follow my Tumblr, I know that those people (and possibly more) are actually reading and many of them still check to see if I've posted anything new, even though it's been months and months since I was actively writing. The fact that so many people are still looking to see what I write makes me very nervous, and has caused me to get stage fright, if you will. I mean, don't get me wrong, of course it's flattering and makes me feel really good that people enjoy what I write... But the whole part of a blog for me is to be able to write whatever the fuck I want and pretend no one is reading it, though with a hope that there are people out there who are and who enjoy it. Does this make sense?

Anyway, I put Finding Nemo in. Third movie of the night, and I'm feeling left of center and there's really no reason for me to feel this way. I want to cry for hours and the only explination is my over emotional girly nonsense cause I have nothing to cry about, I am not unhappy. I am actually quite content, and particularly pleased with myself lately.

Though I always feel like I'm grasping at air, that nothing can happen fast enough and that I am cursed with forever being dissatisfied. Always wanting more, always wondering what else is out there for me, and ever wanting to better myself.

I wonder, often, who I used to be verses who I am, and it's comforting knowing that my friends from growing up all say that I haven't changed at all - which I'm sure can't be true, but at least at the core I am the same Meagan Sample.