Get Excited

Sometimes I look at my work or myself and I'm really terrified.

I look at my pictures and I say, "okay, okay, not bad... but a long way to go, Meagan".

And I sigh and I remind myself that- you have a huge jar half-full of undeveloped rolls of film.

Meagan, you have rolls and rolls unscanned.

You have rolls and rolls of colour to bring to CVS.

You have rolls and rolls to shoot, yet.

You will not die tomorrow.

You have plenty of time.

You see, I noticed the other day that a lot of people have to be reminded to "live life like you'll die tomorrow" more often and to let loose. Me? I'm the opposite, I need to be reminded that there's a good chance I WONT die tomorrow, and that the people I love and who love me, they'll be around. Hopefully. And even if they're not, there are more people to befriend, and life keeps moving, and everything just keeps going, so you go along, too, and stop worrying that your chance might be up because, dammit, you need to slow down and smell the fuckin flowers. Not that I don't, cause I smell flowers all the time. Though I don't like getting store-bought flowers. Damn, you know, I would rather get a couple rolls of 1600 neopan rather than flowers. I'd rather get photo shit always over everything, though particularly my family doesn't know this. How do they miss out on that so well?

Anyway, I am wandering from the point, though I don't think there is much of a point.

Sometimes, I admit, I look at my photos or I look in the mirror and I say "Damn girl, you fucking got it goin on, you are cool as shit, lookit you go, bitch!" and I'm excited. But that usually is somehow correlated with, I don't know, sunshine or chocolate or sex. You know, that whole unbalanced balance thing. Ahh, that's not true, shooting makes me excited, too. Cameras and guns. Oh! And motorcycles. And shopping. and and and...

(I waaaannnt.....)

aright aright, cvs time.