Run Meagan Run

I finally get a two hour shift for sure today. Woohoo! At least it's something, and the paid nude work is slowly appearing, which is great. (edit: just as I posted this, I got a call from my boss saying that they were over scheduled for the day and didn't need me to come in. dammit.)

That little voice that says, "get the fuck out of here.. get the fuck out..." is nagging.

I've been accused many times of, "running away". From arguments, problems, etc. But you know what, I'm alright with that. If I walk away (which I often do) it's because the argument isn't worth it to me. Often the only arguments I stick around to continue are the ones with my sister, and I think that's just because they're so old and frustrating that I'm tethered there, unable to turn away. Though she's accused me of walking away, too.

Once again, I'm not so against it. I don't know if I am mentally walking away from my problems though, I feel like I'm not. I carry them with me, I just don't like arguing (unless it's for sexually aggressive reasons, that, however, is for another post). I am often in the wrong and while I used to have a really big problem apologizing, I've gotten pretty good at it in the last couple years. Which I think is good.. good to recognize when you are wrong, and good to bring it to the person's attention who you wronged that you're accepting your fault. I don't like bad blood between me and others. It makes me uncomfortable. Years later, I'm still uncomfortable about a couple people who I have unresolved issues with.

Run away, Meagan, run run run. Run away from your past, run away from your mistakes, start over, run away from your own broken heart and those you've broken, run away from judgments both right and wrong, run away from those who know where your scars came from.

I love that I'm hitting the road soon. Every day is counted...