Dreaming

Sleeping many nights in a row with little to nothing to drink causes the dreams to flood back full force... The semi-nightmares and latent dead wishes hanging on by threads come creeping back and manifest into intricate and colourful scenes, washing into eachother and I wake up crying...

Though as I pull myself along, I am proving to myself what it is I can be doing. So much more time is given up when I'm not drinking so much. Time for fun activities and forgetting the things I don't want to think about... Letting them sift their way through my thoughts and settle somewhere safe.

Time for hula hooping and rock climbing, drumming and dancing, smoking with friends, back yard fires and movie nights...

A lot of people tell me they are envious of my journey around the Country, and while often I would argue that it's a really rough way to live- that money is extremely unpredictable as are the people I work with- times like now, when I'm hanging out with great company around creative and judge-less people, is what makes it all worth the struggle.

Traveling Companion

assisted self portrait by Melody, in Florida circa 2007

I'm in Columbus and I have found myself with my very own room in a beautiful house with a photographer who is very nice and gives me my space, which I need desperately. The wind is wild outside, blowing the semi-sheer curtains behind a chair which sits in front of an old desk with key holes. I wish I had a girl to sit her there. I see her; she's in a white dress or night gown and she's stretched out, head back, legs relaxed and splayed how you do when no one's watching. Maybe this wooden bed frame could get in the way a bit...

But I don't have a girl with me. Just ghosts of images with no way to get it out. And no, I don't want to do self portraits. Besides, I don't have a tripod. None the less, it's not me sitting in the chair, it's someone else, and I- I am here, behind the camera.

If I did have a traveling companion... how difficult do you think it would be to continue to couch surf with two rather than one?

And why is it so hard to find a pretty girl who is willing to let me photograph her across the country so difficult? They all say they have jobs, school or rent to pay. So? So did I. They have no money. Well, neither do I.

But I will crawl if I have to. I will do whatever it takes to complete this trip.

on another note, I seriously need a light meter.